This has been weighing heavily on me lately so I thought I would share with the interwebs in the hopes that it makes some people feel less alone.
I have my own addictions. It’s not the usual substance abuse addiction. It’s eating a lot of food and shopping. I know these are ways that I try to make myself feel better. I also see what I’m doing and know I shouldn’t but it’s extremely hard to stop myself.
Within the past year and a half, I went to the doctor and got some medication for my anxiety and depression. This only made things worse. It made me not care about spending money and eating food I shouldn’t. Subsequently, I racked up thousands of dollars in debt and I gained about 12 pounds. I’ve always fought with my weight, so it bothers me that I’ve gained any. I worked extremely hard to get rid of my credit card debt a few years ago, and now I’m right back where I started.
This whole thing makes me feel like a terrible person. I constantly beat myself up over this. I keep asking myself why I can’t do better. Why do I keep doing things I know I shouldn’t?
I go to therapy a couple times a month to work on these issues and others. My husband is extremely supportive and we have tried various methods to help curb some of these desires.
Yesterday I went through and unsubscribed to various emails so I’m not temped by sales. I removed some of the companies I follow on social media so I’m not seeing the cool or pretty things as I scroll through. I joined a couple minimalist groups in the hopes that the more I see people not spending money, the less I will want to spend and the more I will want to save.
I also have an app on my phone that has me check in each day on goals. I have one for not spending and one for eating fewer sweets, as that seems to be my biggest problem. I checked in on both goals last night.
My process started yesterday. My goal is to not spend any extra money for the rest of the year, then to push that even further forward until I can get rid of this credit card debt again. My other goal is to drop these extra pounds by limiting my sweets. I know it is going to be harder this time of year, but something has to give.