Losing Control

Have you ever had a moment of losing control?

I’ve had many moments of losing control.  It is often precipitated by some small event setting me off.  It’s like the straw that breaks the camels back.  Many things pile up and then I let it all go at once, and usually that leaves me crying uncontrollably.  Very rarely do I yell or scream.

Then my thoughts start spiraling out of control.  I think about how terrible of a person I am and how I’m completely unlovable and how I’ll never amount to anything.  It’s quite frustrating.

Growing up, it felt like I couldn’t do anything right.  I became a perfectionist to try to seek approval from my mother.  So now those voices in my head are telling me exactly what my mom used to say or make me believe.

Healing isn’t easy, but I know I need to accept what happened to move on.  Now the process is a little different.  I need to re-frame my thinking and start building new neural pathways.  I try to use positive affirmations whenever I can and speak to myself like I would a small child who is struggling with something.

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