Control

What in your life do you try to control, and where do you allow flow?

I’m a very anxious person, so I tend to try to control everything.  I’m a self-admitted control freak.  I also believe this comes from my mom being a control freak, so I learned to be that way from her.  I have a very hard time letting go and letting things just happen.  I don’t like to be in the dark about the future, so I tend to make plans as much as possible.  I tend to spend a lot of time in my head planning what I will do or what I will say.

With that being said, if something unexpected comes up, I have a good poker face and am very able to pivot to take care of things or go with the next plan.

I have slowly worked on going with the flow a little more.  My belly dance and yoga has helped with that.  The type of belly dance I sometimes do is a lead and follow type, with no choreography.  That means there is one person leading/cuing the moves, and the rest follow.  Obviously I don’t always know what the next move will be, so I have to just let the flow happen.

Very similarly, when I take a yoga class, I’m having to follow the instructor the whole way through.

Maybe because these aren’t life altering events, it’s easy to let go a little more and relax into the flow.

My mom says it gets easier over the years.  You learn to just roll with the punches.  I’m a little impatient and I decided to get help.  I now take some medication to lessen my anxiety and allow me to function on a daily basis without ruminating too much and stressing about the what-ifs in life.

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